The Scottish Lamb

Faith of a Mustard Seed

Things are getting back to normal.  I really do appreciate all the of the emails of support and am trying to reply to each one.   There were a lot so it's taking me a while.

Leilani wore a pendant like this one for years. Every time I saw one I thought of her.  Ironically, I don't think she understood the meaning behind it because she had so little faith in herself.  I will wear a pendant like this to remind me of my sister, the good times and what could have been.  It will also be a gift for friends so that I can be reminded of my sister often when I see friends wearing the mustard seed.

Jesus said, "...If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:14-20)

I have been knitting.  I cast on a sweater for Dan that I'm designing.  It's a simple V-neck with ribbing up the sides and underarms.  I'll share a photo in the next post.

Last Halloween I introduced you to Trunk or Treating. Well we did it again this year on Friday night.  Here is my Harry Potter and Power Ranger:

And here is my hootchie mama Hopeful which I will probably never wear.  I feel very large in it. I might make another though... a bit bigger.  I LOVE the Elann Esprit for it.  Perfect elasticity and softness.  I used Mauve, which you can see isn't muave at all, but more of a Periwinkle.

Life's Mind Games

Sometimes I just don't get life.  My mother went last night to pick up her records at her local hospital for her appointment in Columbus today.  It was then she was told the hospital made a mistake.  There's nothing wrong with her.  They had her records mixed up with someone else's.  How ironic that this news doesn't have my family jumping for joy as it should have.  Our first reaction, including my mother's, was, "Oh my God.... Leilani". 

I'm a very realistic person.  I'm not mushy or sappy and I've been accused of being hard and cold because of that, especially by my family.  It's hard to feel realistic when you're heart is breaking over a loss that shouldn't have been.  I was just starting to feel better and now this. I'm realistic enough to know that even though my sister was dating a great guy over the last couple of months after years of not seeing anyone, she was not well.  He probably wouldn't have put up with her drug and alcohol addiction much longer, but the what if's are all over the place and tugging at my heart.  What if he was the one that was enough to make her want to get well?!

Now we'll never know.  Her death is that much more tragic now.

I appreciate all of your support.  There's really no need to comment on this subject more.  I know you're out there and that means a lot to me.  I just wanted to keep you updated because I know so many of you are keeping my mother in your prayers for her aneurysm.  It may be a while but I promise my next post will be on a happier note.

Heartfelt Thanks

I want to thank you all so very much for your kind words of prayer and support in comments and emails.  I know it's hard to know what to say.  I never know either.  At any rate, it means a great deal that you've reached out and let me know your thoughts.

Each day gets a little bit easier.  I'm just trying to wrap my head around the fact that I will never ever see her again.  It's hard to accept. I'd always had so much hope for her. After too many times of waiting with bated breath to hear how her latest emergency room visit went I stopped talking to her for the last couple of years. I told her I loved her but I couldn't live like that any more.  Obviously the tough love approach doesn't always work.  My older brother said he found photos up on her computer of me and the boys.  It was the best gift he could have given me.  She'd only had the computer for about a year so it means she put those pictures on there after our silence.  She knew I still cared. Thank God.

She had a great love for animals so I'm going to donate to the ASPCA in her name. She'd have loved that.

Because of my mother's condition, they didn't want to drag things out so they had a viewing on Saturday.  Her ashes are going to be scattered along with the ashes of her beloved white shepherd, Melissa, that died a few years ago. There's no way I could have made it back in time and now I'm focusing on my mother's upcoming surgery.  I will probably be flying back to Ohio sometime next week.  She has a doctor's appointment on Wednesday and I imagine we'll know a lot more after that.

I have been knitting a lot this weekend.  I found it very comforting.  I finished the Hopeful and will model it when I'm in a more "Hopeful" mood.  I also finished a dog bed for Aggie. It's up in the washer felting now.  I made it with the leftover Patons Ballybrae from my Must Have Cardigan.  That stuff does not like to felt.  It's taking forever.

Not much can bring more happiness than a puppy.... unless it's four pups.  We went to our friend's and visited them this weekend.  If this doesn't help bring a smile, nothing will:

Aggie is on the far left.  Four more weeks and she can come home with us.

Leilani

This is four-year old me holding my new baby sister, Leilani in Hawaii in 1967.

Due to my parents divorce a few months after this photo was taken, Leilani and I only lived a total of about five years of our lives together and even those weren't all at once. I lived mostly with my father, she was with my mother.

I've always thought of my sister as a broken little bird.  She was always looking for someone to love her.  What she never figured out was that you have to love yourself first.  We all tried to prove our love to her but it was never enough.

She finally won her battle against this thing we call life last night.  She's been trying since she was a teenager.  We all knew it would happen one day.  It still isn't easy to accept that I'll never see her again.  I'd always hoped she'd find happiness.

The news of doctors finding an aneurysm in my mother's aorta two days ago proved to be the last straw for her.  She felt she couldn't cope with my mother's upcoming surgery and possibility of facing life without the one person on this planet that completely understood her. 

Please keep her and my mother in your prayers.

Belated Blogabirthday

I'm so behind that I missed my own blogabirthday.  I can't believe it's been a year on October 1st.  Yikes.

I've definitely gone downhill in the last couple of months and seriously thought about shutting down Scottish Lamb but I think I'll wait to see what happens over the next couple of months.  It'd be kind of silly to stop now when I'll be knitting more with the arrival of Autumn. 

I've been working on Daniel's Harry Potter scarf for Halloween a little.  It's just about finished.  I'll post a picture with him modeling it.  I haven't touched the Hopeful.  All I have left is the second sleeve.

We're taking the boys to Legoland tomorrow but other than that I'll have lots of downtime this four-day weekend, so I'm sure I'll finish it up.  I want to start on the Birch with my pal, Jessica, but I'm also itching to cast on some Fair Isle.  Of course, there's also puppy knitting to be done for Aggie.  We went to see her on Sunday.  A little over four more weeks and we can bring her home. Here she is at 19 days old, face all wet from nursing:

I want to knit her a little felted cuddle bed for her crate and a little sweater.   Those 2am potty breaks are going to be cold in November.  It's funny because I was making fun of my friend (yes, Michelle, you) about how she treats her 8-month old pug like a child.  Ya.  Guess who's not laughing any more.  :-)

The fleeces I sent in to Blackberry Ridge last month arrived the other day.  In a word... GORGEOUS stuff.  I'll have plenty of wool to keep me spinning over the winter.  Over nine pounds of processed roving.  The darker grey on the left is Molly from Skylines Farm and the lighter grey on the right is a pound of mohair blended with Odessa from Whitefish Bay Farms:

Wanna see something cool?  Check this Australian online knitting magazine out. You can download a .pdf version.  This issue has a poncho guide and lots of knitted bags.