The Scottish Lamb

Daniel Goes To Camp

So you all remember how we were having bullying problems at school with Daniel a couple of years ago?  Well last year was great because all the same kids were there and they'd all gotten to know him.   The school is almost all new kids this year because there was such a huge change of people last Summer and here we go again.  We've been having problems with a few boys in Daniel's class.  One has been especially mean starting with the fourth day of school.  Daniel was getting his books out of his locker at the end of the day and the kid slammed Daniel's locker door on his head.  He and a few others thought it would be fun to play chicken with him with a basketball Daniel had gotten at recess.  While they were playing chicken with him they thought it'd be fun to call him "retard", "sicko" and "weirdo".   Daniel hit his wall and threw the ball over the fence when he got it, started screaming the F word (which he's never done before) and took the main kid's jacket from the bench, threw it in the mud and started jumping up and down on it.

So I got on the net to see if there was anything that I could use to educated his classmates.  I found an awesome DVD called Intricate Minds II.  When I was showing a clip of the dvd with other kids with Asperger's to Daniel he started crying.   When I asked him why he replied, "I thought I was the only one."  He's read books by kids with AS and we've discussed it a lot but it was the first time he actually saw someone else.  I decided that I need to find some type of support group or something for when we get to NY.

In my research I found a little piece of heaven.   It's a seven-week camp just for kids like Daniel.  I really didn't think we'd get in as slots fill up quickly.   I emailed them and got a brochure on Tuesday.  I called the Director and we spoke for about an hour.   He talked to Daniel for about 25 minutes.  The next day I sent him a letter that I'd written to the school about Daniel and AS as well as his IEP (Individual Education Program).  He wrote back and said he was sure Daniel would fit right in.  I was sobbing when I told Daniel he was in and he ran over to hug me.  That does not happen very often.  While talking with one of the references, the mom of a boy that went last year, I realized it was the first time I'd ever spoken with someone that understood exactly where I was coming from.  When I told her this she said, "Oh... just wait until Family Visit Day!"  I'm so excited for Daniel.  For the first time in his sweet life he'll get to feel what we feel every single day and take for granted.  He'll belong and everyone will understand him.  What a gift.

It's not cheap but you get what you pay for.  There is one counselor per every two children!  It's on an amazing 40 acres of land with a large lake and lots of fun to be had while they work on social skills.  I'm hoping that our insurance at least partially pays for it.  If not, it doesn't matter.  He's going.  It's an investment in his future and we feel we owe it to him before he starts Middle School in the States next year.  We've always lived in a little community.  Mostly here in Germany with a little three-year stint at Ft. Campbell where we also lived on post and he was in a tiny school.  Next year could be a whole different ball game.  We have no idea if we'll get housing on the Academy and that's the only way he'll go to that school.  We wanted him to be prepared and to start school with a boost of confidence.  Those teen years are hard enough as they are.  Try it with already being socially challenged.

We had an AS awareness class during their health class yesterday where we showed the DVD.  The kids really got it!   The bullies will always be bullies (parents were invited but of course, theirs didn't show up) but it did a good job of reaching out to the other kids asking them to be "champions" and stick up for the child being bullied or tell someone.  I couldn't wait until Daniel got home yesterday to see what the kids said to him (he wasn't in the room for the class).  It was too cute.  One girl told him he was really smart, one invited him to her bday party tomorrow (he rarely ever gets invited) and he said that even the main bully was really nice.  When I asked what he'd said, Daniel replied, "Nothing.  But he left me alone and for him, that's really nice!"  Hopefully it lasts.  Today he got another invitation to a party next week.  Alleluia!

So, if you're still with me, I actually touched yarn yesterday!   Nope, alas, not for knitting.  I'm making gift baskets up as gifts with biscotti and Gingerbread Coffee Creamer.  I used this recipe but I tweaked it a bit adding sugar and cinnamon.  It's nummy.  See the yarn?  It's Classic Elite leftover from Aggie's sweater which you can read about here.

Back In The Saddle

After a rough couple of months I woke up today ready to get back in the saddle again.  I'll tell you about the great things that happened regarding Daniel this week at the end of the post. 

It seems most of my posts these days are thanking the blogging community.  I received so many comments and emails of support and I appreciate it so much.

I've been in such a fog since we found out Dan's going to Afghanistan.  I did restart the sleeve so it should be smooth sailing now.  I'm so behind in my blog reading I might as well just start fresh.

I have been playing with some spinning though.  It's so much fun to play with color in spinning.  You never know what you're going to get.

Here's some roving that I dyed and stripped down into thin strips.  The middle is the singles and the one on the left is a simple two ply.  I need to try a little Navajo plying with it.  It's just amazing how you can get such different looks from one roving.  The colors aren't as dull in person.

This next picture has the roving, a small piece of two ply and a couple of skeins of Navajo plied.  There's also a knitted swatch.  I just knit the drafted roving.  It's not spun at all.  Very lofty and soft and surprisingly strong. 

Last night as I let Bailey out before heading up to read I noticed it was still light out.  I took this photo at 10:20 p.m.  Is it any wonder the boys are having a hard time winding down to go to bed. 

Thank God Thursday is the last day of school. I'm looking forward to having the boys home.  Remind me I said that come mid July.  lol.

So, I've told you all about all the bullying problems at the school regarding Daniel...  It came to a head on Monday.   One of the main names I heard all the time was "Charlie".  I knew he was new to the school and he's on the bus stop before ours.  On Monday Daniel had had enough and blew up.  He decided that the best course of action was to wrap his hands around Charlie's throat and choke him.  They literally had to pull Daniel off of Charlie. Ugh.  Daniel had never been violent before... not to other people.  He used to throw things a lot when he had meltdowns but that's been a long time now.   You can imagine how upset Charlie's mom was when he got home with marks around his throat and the school hadn't called her.  I just happened to be at the school when it occurred or I may not have known about it.  At any rate, she called for a meeting with the principal.  They were to meet with him on Wednesday morning.  I knew about it and asked that the principal let us know how it went because I wanted to see if they'd be receptive to working together. 

I'd sat in with him on Tuesday talking about all the problems I was having with the counselor not letting me know things that I should be contacted about.  At the meeting I had with him I asked if he thought it'd be a good idea to extend an olive branch of inviting Charlie to Daniel's bday party next week.  He didn't think it was.  When... oh when... will I ever listen to my own instincts? 

After my meeting with the principal I went to help out with Field Day.  I witnessed Charlie helping Daniel catch a grasshopper.  While they were on the ground Charlie put an arm around Daniel's back and got in his face and said, "Daniel... I'm really sorry about yesterday"  I saw a huge spark of hope.  I decided right then that we were inviting Charlie.  I went over and told Charlie what a wonderful thing he'd just done and asked to shake his  hand.  Then I went and told the principal what I'd seen.  This boy had no idea I was watching and I know adults that could take a lesson in apologizing from this boy! 

Wednesday afternoon I called Charlie's mom.  I told her that I hoped she didn't mind my calling.  She was open and receptive from the very beginning.  She told me about the meeting with the principal and we both admitted that until the day before we'd both thought each other's kids were the problem.  I told her about Charlie apologizing and how impressed I was.  Then she impressed me.  I had no idea that the night before they'd gotten on the internet to look up Aspergers!  When she called the principal after the choking incident he told her about Daniel.  So we were on the phone for a good hour and a half to two hours.  We both said several times, "I'm SO glad we talked!  What a relief!"  Both boys had been in turmoil for months because the school had missed the boat.  We vowed to contact each other from now on when we hear anything about our boys and to work this summer on building their friendship.  Charlie will be a prime candidate for Daniel's Circle of Friends group and I'm thrilled.  I do believe I've found a new friend too.  In fact, we're meeting this morning for coffee and then we're going to the school to have lunch with the boys.  This will show both the boys and the school that we have a united front.  I just wish I'd listened to my instincts in the beginning.   How's that for a small miracle?  Of course, Dan was away in Garmisch all this week but he did call the principal on Wednesday to see how the meeting with Charlie's parents went.

Autism Awareness Patterns

Hey all, head on over to Melissa's and purchase some great patterns donated by Greta, Danette and Melissa herself.  The proceeds from the patterns go towards something near and dear to my heart, Autism Awareness. Using the colored puzzle pattern from the Autism Awareness Ribbon, I made a button for the cause.

I really don't mean to sound like a whiner, but this couldn't have hit at a better time for me.  I've really been struggling this week with the issue of my son, Daniel, being left out because he's not "like the other kids".  As Asperger's goes, Daniel has had a lot of help since he was three.  We're lucky.  It could be a lot worse.  He's always been in a mainstream school.  He's a sweet and caring boy who has a hard time with dialog.  He talks at you, not to you, endlessly.... about numbers and facts that other kids find weird.  We're working on it.  But how much can we do when what he needs is socialization and the other kids don't like playing with him?  It hurts to see him with a group of other children and they completely ignore him.  I don't blame the kids, they are just kids after all, but it hurts all the same.

Thanks to Katy, I've told the school about Circle of Friends and they are going to start the program with Daniel next year.  We've had problems with bullying at the school, he has few friends (though if you ask him, his best friends are anyone who talks to him for more than a half an hour) and he's starting to realize he's the outsider.

This past weekend I experienced the straw that broke the camel's back.  I blame myself partly for failing to open my mouth when I should have and just letting things go (which if you knew me, is pretty hard to believe) and not working harder to make people around us more aware of Daniel's diagnosis of High-Functioning Autism.  In that respect, I failed my son and now it's coming back to bite me in the arse.

Let me explain.  We've lived in this neighborhood for almost two years.  We call it little America because there are quite a few military families on this hill with us. There are three other boys that live here.  They are all Daniel's age and all live within a few yards of each other.  Except for my next-door neighbor, who is a close friend, Daniel has been left out of every invitation list since we got here.  Not just birthday parties, but trips to the pool, the movies... you name it.  The three other boys are very close friends.  I'll admit, Daniel would prefer to hide out in his room alone, but wouldn't you if no one wanted to talk to you about the only things you found interesting and no one wanted to play with you because you are "weird"?   He loves when they play game boy, pokemon or chess with him.  He's just not into sports.  We tried for a few years.  He has said he'd like to try again next season, but I think it's more to fit in than anything.  We'll give it a go though.

This past Saturday he was left out again and this time I really got angry over it.  I've bawled every day over it.   I'm just so tired of it.  Daniel is starting to realize he's getting left out and there is nothing that rips my heart out more than to see him hurt.  He is a very kind boy who has no clue as to why he's not accepted more.  He does know about Asperger's.   We've been very open with him, but he doesn't understand that's why no one wants to spend time with him.

This party was a big camp-out in the back yard.  The birthday boy comes to play with Daniel only when the other two boys aren't home.  When the other boys come looking for him they all leave within a few minutes and leave Daniel alone again.  This boy has spent the night in our home but the invitation has never been reciprocated though the other boys spend the night together often.  I don't blame the kids.  And I understand a parent saying, "Okay... who do you want to invite?"  But c'mon!!  How can we teach our kids understanding, tolerance and compassion if we let them exclude a child that you know is left out of everything except when it's convenient?  How do you let your child exclude this boy even when you know about the Asperger's?!  I just don't get it!  Every other kid in the neighborhood, even girls, were invited to this party.  Everyone but Daniel.  I'm not one that can hide my anger.  When I'm angry there's no doubt because it's written all over my face.  The mother came out to the bus stop yesterday morning and I was very rude to her.  It was the first time I'd seen her since I found out about the party.  I completely ignored her and she definitely knew it.  There was no doubt in her mind that I was angry with her when she walked away.  I was afraid that if I said anything I would start bawling and blow up in front of all the kids.  Part of me wants to go talk to her, but I know it wouldn't do any good.  There'd be justifications and excuses or she'd feel really bad about it and I really don't want to do that to someone either.  I really do blame myself for not making people more aware.  On top of that they're moving back to the States next month, so I can't help but think what's the use?  I know I need to go apologize to her for treating her the way I did yesterday, but I'm still angry and I want to be able to do it without the anger showing it's ugly face.

Anyway...  please!  If you know a child with Autism and you have children that age, please, educate yourself and your child and show some compassion.  I can tell you as a mom, there is nothing more heartbreaking than to see your child shunned for something he can't help.

Grrrrr

When... oh... when will I learn?!  Gauge, gauge, gauge.  I've knit with Elann's Highland Wool quite a bit, and I love the stuff, but for some reason I'm not getting gauge with this color (Forest Glade Heather).  Actually, I'm liking the gauge I'm getting which is 21 sts to the inch.  I've always gotten 19 or 20 before with other colors.  At any rate, I'm going to have to rip and pull it out because 40" is just not going to cut it for my man.  But take a look at that ribbing, eh???  I made the right choice in knitting with the same needle size and same number of sts for the ribbing as I am in the body.  I can't imagine adding 43 sts to that!  So... onward.

I will be anxiously waiting for my order to arrive from Elann next week (hopefully).  Yesterday's deal was too tempting for me to resist.  They offered up 1/2 pound bags of color coordinated samples for $24.  I bought a bag of the naturals/whites and a bag of the browns/beige's or was it tans... dunno, but the plan is to use it to make a knock-off Ab Fab throw.  My living room colors are sagey browns and tans so it'll be perfect.   I can not wait to see my goodies!!

I heard from Jeremy yesterday.  He got back to his post outside of Mosul only to be put back on a helicopter.  He's moving to the center of the city now.  The vet and Army wife parts of me are telling me it'll be okay.  He'll be fine.   The mother in me is telling me I should have locked him up in a room and kept him while I had him.  I'm really struggling with this. 

On top of that we had a parent/teacher conference at the school yesterday for Daniel.  We've noticed him having a harder time of it the past couple of months and he has an appointment up in Würzburg next Wednesday.   Unfortunately, we don't know if the new doctor has any experience with Asperger's Syndrome.  He can't continue on the Concerta because he's stopped growing. He's already anorexic skinny, but now he's not growing in height either.  There's also been a lot of problems with bullying at the school.  Daniel is a magnet for this already and he's starting to realize he's different and he's being left out of things.  He's rebelling and I'm really starting to worry.  We have some excellent social stories workbooks for him.  I had him do a chapter on friends yesterday just to see where he is.  It's not like you can just sit him down and talk to him about it because he won't share his feelings.  These workbooks are perfect because he writes much more easily than he can speak.  At any rate, the results broke my heart.  Before where he was completely unaware of being singled out, now he's totally aware of it and it's hard for him.  He turns 11 in July, so I know part of it is just normal pre-teen stuff, but the Asperger's puts a whole other twist on it.  I'm really anxious to get to NY.  We've been told that the support there is outstanding and there's a lot of knowledge in the area we'll be.  Thank God because we've always been pretty much alone and I'm so tired of trying to make people understand.  With something like Down's Syndrome, people know by sight something is wrong. With Autism kids look "normal" and people just don't get it.  Hell, sometimes Dan and I don't get it and it takes us a while to catch on to something going on in Daniel's mind.   

Anyway, sorry about the venting.  I think I need to go knit....  See you on Monday.

Meet Hans

  Meet Hans... the sweater from Best of Lopi (pg 95). The boy is Daniel and you'll meet him later in this post. Was there ever any doubt I'd have it done by next Thursday?  Actually, yes.  When I realized I was cutting it a little really close with the main color.   I thought I was going to have to wait till I could get more.  Think I'm kidding?  This is what's left:

This is right off the needles.  The underarms aren't even woven yet.   I wanted to show it so that people who are new to color knitting can see it's not all smooth and even until after you block it.  As luck would have it, you can't really tell this from the picture, but hey... I tried.  I'm hoping that when I take another picture of Daniel in it tomorrow after it's dry, you'll be able to see the difference. 

Now I need to finish spinning the purple singles for Yarn Harlot's give-a-way and then cast on the red scarf for  The Red Scarf Project.  Then I'll get to finish Dan's Hardangervidda.... finally.

Erica is coming for a visit tomorrow!  She's only about an hour and a half up the road so I'll get to meet her new baby boy in person.  I'm going to make some sort of baked pasta dish for lunch (who doesn't like pasta) and then maybe we'll get to sit and knit a bit.  My friend, Mariana, is going to join us.

In chatting with Katy and Laurie, it's come to my attention that there seem to be quite a few of us knit bloggers with children who are somewhere on the Autism scale.  Daniel has Asperger's Syndrome (High Functioning Autism).  He's always been in a mainstream classroom. No one believed me that something was wrong until he was two.  His attention span was incredible for a baby.  He would watch his train go around on it's track or my spinning wheel spin for hours.  He'd watch full Disney movies and want to see them over and over again without stopping.  He has a very acute sense of smell, taste, touch and hearing.  He's very detail oriented.  It takes him an hour to tell you something (in a very monotone voice) that takes most people five minutes to relay.  He uses words that most kids his age don't and when he tries to be cool and say... well, "Cool" it doesn't come out quite right.  He just smiles.  When he's afraid of something (doctors, dentists, heights or anything that moves fast) everyone in the room knows he's scared to death.  A picture fell off of a wall once while we were in a hotel.  Daniel had to have five staples in his head and two stitches in his finger.  He was five.  Four grown men were holding him down and he fought so hard that he knocked his father's contact out, kicked his shoes off across the room and had them shaking their heads at his sheer strength when they were finally done.  It was quite a challenge for a while but he's come a very long way.  We still can't get his temp taken at the doctors because he won't hold the thermometer in his mouth. The meltdowns that used to be a daily occurrence have all but stopped.  People who just meet him, without knowing about the AS, think he's a little eccentric or quirky.  It's most obvious in social situations with children his own age.  Kids will be kids so it breaks my heart to see another child ignore Daniel or be cruel to him because they don't understand him. 

Like Laurie, I've often said that Daniel's curse is his blessing.  AS makes him SO special.  His intelligence surprises us still.  It's like he's on a whole different wave length than the rest of us.  It's like he's stuck between generations.  He would rather be alone than in a room full of kids his own age.  He thinks about stuff that never crosses our mind.  He went to Kindergarten already knowing how to read.  He taught himself from computer games and memorizing what we'd read to him.  He has lots of quirks but I wouldn't change one of them because he wouldn't be Daniel.  If you ever want to know anything about the Titanic, he's your man.  One of the common traits of AS is that the Aspie has a huge interest in one topic.  It was for this reason that we took a last minute trip to London last year when I found out they had the big Titanic Exhibit at the Science Center there and it was about to end.  If you're interested, you can see pictures from that trip here.  For years it was trains (specifically Thomas the Tank).  After reading about the Titanic in a children's book series, he had to know everything about it.  He's getting more and more interested in Space and has always loved science.

We've never had a support group or even known another Aspie so we've often wondered if it's all in our heads.... and then Daniel does something that brings us back to reality.  When an Autism Specialist first told us we went straight home and got on the internet.  We both started to cry because the Asperger's Website read like Daniel's biography.  Finally, we had something to work with.  It's important that people learn about Asperger's and Autism.  There was many a time during a meltdown in public that I'd get that evil eye from someone thinking, "What a spoiled brat!" Look at that smile.  A purer heart you'll never find.